Dear diary II

7am to 11 am: Christmas day, yeay!
I woke up to the welcome caress of the harmattan breeze which usually heralded the advent of the holiday season in Nigeria but for some reason was missing in Lagos state for the past weeks.
Next was the reoccurring bursts from a church speaker coming from a location I could not pinpoint doing a god job of making sure no one slept in on such a beautiful day (I guess they were turning it up for baby Jesus) followed by sluggishly getting ready to face an uncertain Christmas day.

12pm to 3pm: Fun! Fun!! Fun!!

After staying up till 5:30am to bake Christmas cookies as a surprise gift for family friends, saying that I was sleep deprived, cranky and annoyed could not quite cut the way I felt initially when I realized I left the very obvious container filled with cookies by the door at home.

This emotion was soon replaced by holiday cheer and warmth as new friends were made and old appreciated.
(erm and bellies filled with mixed goodies)

4pm to 7pm: death by consumption!
I don’t know if it was the smoke from the barbecue grill or fascination with the precision and technique used to create the mouth watering spread or just the thought of freshly grilled meat subduing my ability to say “no thanks, I’m full” but what ever it was, it kept me saying “okay, just one more” each time I took another helping of assorted meat knowing fully well that I was stuffed. The image of animated cows and pigs flying out of my ear could not get any clearer.

8pm to 6am: bleh

7am to 11am: A cappella Christmas!
Watched Pentatonics Christmas videos and was amazed by the talent of the lot. They are an amazing group, great for syncing the Christmas spirit.

12pm to 3pm: Boxed Day!
Just after I pondered the origin of ‘boxing day’, I got a resounding wham on my face to teach me that not everyone who can ‘walk and chew gum’ should ‘walk and chew gum’.
In one instant I was standing on a stool reaching for the pot on top of the cupboard, in the next I was under said cupboard wondering what became of the stool and if that blood on the floor was mine.
That is how my meat eating frenzy came to an end. With a face to make an excited blowfish envious, I stumbled about the kitchen till it was time to have a much deserved ‘lie-down’.

4pm to 7pm: sweet and spicy
Cant really remember what happened the rest of the day but that no one noticed the chicken was actually really sweet was interesting. By sweet I am talking bathed in Coca-Cola, scrubbed in lemon pepper and steamed with herbs and spices. I am guessing being a witness to a - hit in the face by an angry cupboard accident - really does curb curiosity.

8pm to 6am: night came, morning came… to be continued

Black Birds

I was seated in this guy’s car, he happens to be someone that often makes me go: “Oseyi, your brain dey touch so? See correct bush meat for front you dey carry torchlight look bush” (aka gaga) but not for long though because I know him and me will never happen.
He’s cool, cute and smart (perfect combination for a heart breaker if you ask me).
While we were trying to ignore the fact that we were alone in a dark place and “no one was watching” should we decide to try out “interesting stuff” his phone rang.
It was his girlfriend.
After it rang unanswered for about the hundredth and twenty first time, I begged him to pick and swore I’d be quieter than the progress the Nigerian government is making in improving living conditions of the common man.
Not trusting my solemn vow (I wonder why) he picked the call and told her he was driving presently, he could not talk.
He promised to call her as soon as he was parked and reminded her of how much he loved her (so much for our moment) and blah- blah.
Night came, morning came and it was another day.
This event would have faded out of my memory in its own good time if not for the mad déjà vu I got when barley 24hrs later, I called the love of my life (he isn’t aware of this status by the way) and he told me he was driving and could not talk…

By my count, today is the 11th day of Christmas.
I have always known the song 12 days of Christmas but I assumed it was just something made up to give more children important roles like “gold rings”, “calling birds” and “turtle doves” to play.
It turns out the 12 days of Christmas does exist or a controversy surrounding the days anyway.
Since there is no concrete evidence to prove or disprove each school of thought, I’d follow the lead of theological scholars and leave you to decide for yourself.
With all the assorted birds flying around, leaping lords and milking maids, it would be easier to believe that the song is really about two lovers, a man showering his love with gifts and finally after she accepts his proposal, a wedding huge wedding (see: pipers playing).
The “calling birds” which turn out to be collie birds aka crows, seem to have been a delicacy at that time (they appeared in pies as well)

also the gold rings ( The five gold rings of the song were originally five ring-necked pheasants, not jewelry).
With so much reference to fertility and merry making, the link with paganism might not be too far fetched (apples represented females and pear’s: well endowed males).
Remember how GEJ used D’banj as part of his campaign strategy to make himself more popular with the erm… kokolets?
The Christians did something like that as well (not with D’banj though) they took the traditional pagan festivals and replaced them with Christian one’s.
It is told that in the 16th century, Christians where persecuted for teaching, speaking or even thinking Christianity so a couple of families together with Jesuits (smart people by the way) encoded the Christian doctrine in a seemingly innocent children’s song which they could sing openly without fear of arrest.

A partridge in a pear tree: Jesus (Luke 13:34)

Two turtle doves: The Old and New Testaments (which together bear witness to God's self-revelation in history and the creation of a people to tell the Story of God to the world).

Three French hens: The three Biblical magi and/or The Three Theological Virtues: Faith, Hope, and Love (1 Corinthians 13:13)

Four calling birds: The four Gospels Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, which proclaim the Good News of God's reconciliation of the world to Himself in Jesus Christ.

Five gold rings: The Torah or Pentateuch, the first five books of the Old Testament

Six geese a-laying: The six days of Creation

Seven swans a-swimming: Seven gifts of the Holy Spirit (Romans 12:6-8; cf. 1 Corinthians 12:8-11)

Eight maids a-milking: The eight Beatitudes (Matthew 5:3-10)

Nine ladies dancing: Nine fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)

Ten lords a-leaping: The Ten Commandments. (Exodus 20:1-17)
Eleven pipers piping: The eleven faithful Apostles (Luke 6:14-16).

Twelve drummers drumming: The twelve points of the Apostles' Creed

No matter the myth, legend or source, it remains that as the Easter season begins on Easter Sunday and goes on for 50 days so also does the Christmas season which starts on Christmas Day, December 25th (the birth of Jesus) and ends at the Epiphany, January 6th *the day Christians celebrate the arrival of the Magi (Wise Men) and the revelation of Christ as the light of the world.
Twelfth Night is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as "the evening of the fifth of January, preceding Twelfth Day, the eve of the Epiphany, formerly the last day of the Christmas festivities and observed as a time of merrymaking."

In the spirit of Christmas, I bring you my top Santa sightings in the year 2012.

I am guessing Rudolph et al were too drunk to fly

What happened afterwards is best left to the imagination

Santa and his not so little helpers

Introducing... Mrs Claus (his Nigerian secret wife)!!

Santa always delivers!

...and then this little girl became overwhelmed by Santa's allure (note the tears of joy)

Santa, always a helping hand!

Seriously, whats not to love about this Santa?!

* For enquires to the criteria for rating, leave a comment!

Thanks to the now more secular society, the hunt for the next money making venture, shows and awesome discounts to lure "holiday shoppers", Christmas of late begins in November (and sometimes as early as October) and goes on all through early December so by the time December 25th (Christmas day) really does come, most of us have forgotten the true Christmas message and the spirit that goes along with it.

Tomorrow is the last day of Christmas, 2012 was a year of growth heralding great expectations for 2013.
My final toast is to the people who will get tired of the Nigerian "suffering and smiling" mentality and do something about it.

Merry Christmas every one and Happy New Year!