Throwback Thursday

I woke up feeling rather disoriented by the sound of a man singing “Ello Bae” and some other lines in a serious H-Factored voice. It took a while for me to realize I had accidentally set Falz’s Ello Bae as my alarm ringtone during my sleep induced battle with my mobile phone the night before.

I know I have admitted to having a H-Crush on Falz the Badt guy but when I begin to say things like “ Ello, I hate the bread you left over there, it tasted funny in my mat. His heat still good?” I take it as a sign to 'lean back' and draw the line.

Today’s throwback comes from a day in Two Thousand and Thirteen.

Myself, Amanda and Bumi got together and had one of the craziest, hilariously fun days of my one year sojourn in Ibadan, Oyo state.

The saga began some days earlier when during Community Development Service (CDS) we decided that since a grand tour of the state was not in the portfolio of the mandatory National Youth Service Corps (NYSC), we were going to go exploring on our own.

After choosing Trans Amusement Park as the venue, we started counting up to the D-day.

On getting to the location, I was a little disheartened when I saw the facility, which looked like it must have really been something in its heyday, was now a bit run down.

Not wanting to give in to disappointment, we made the best of what was functional.
By the time we were through exfoliating our butts on the ill maintained slides, willing the Ferris wheel to move and riding the carousel horses that wouldn’t neigh, we were all chuckles and shrieks.

As luck would have it, the rail trains were working so we paid for a turn.
Amanda’s antics (which included shouting “Ajegule! Ajegunle! Next stop “ at the top of her voice like a Lagos bus conductor got the operator in such a good mood that he gave us another ride for free!

We were initially going to end the day by having a go on the swing ride while hoping they didn’t disconnect and break when I noticed a canopy being set up.
We decided then that we were going to gate crash whatever activity it was that they were preparing for and were plotting our game plan when a sole male human dressed in white native attire and a black fila wandered into our midst.
The three of us began talking simultaneously. We spat so many incredible tales that I’m not quite sure which one we stuck to eventually.

In the end, it happened that it was a burial remembrance ceremony we succeeded in gatecrashing. (Free food, yeay!)

It was an upbeat party.
There was highlife music, assorted delicacies and Fayrouz!!
Every now and then, we stood up to embrace a "distant relative" and waved at clueless bystanders who looked a bit familiar.
After mingling with other 'invited guests', the celebrants, and posing for pictures, we opted for a change of scenery and relocated to a trending ice-cream parlor.
The nice team members ignored us while we jumped from seat to seat taking pictures and gorging on ice cream and wafers.
Finished with our sugar rush, we sat by the window and started “man watching”.

Not satisfied with just staring, we tore off pieces of paper and decided to vote on which of the male patrons was the ‘fairest of them all’.
I am pretty sure one or more of the male patrons must have been a tad disconcerted by the scrutinizing looks we gave to them.

After much deliberation and giggling we came up with the 3 finalist and decided it was only fair to let these complete strangers who came out on their own to relax and have fun with their family and friends know that they had been judged and found acceptable.

We proceeded to relay this news.

Our finalist were all bewilderment, smiles and good sports (off course they'd be, cute guys are born that way!)

We took a couple of pictures with our winners, packed up our bits and bobs and called it a day.

I enjoyed my service year.
I ceased the opportunity to celebrate the cultural diversity of Nigeria.
I discovered food recipes, acquired new skills and dropped a few habits.
I had misadventures, epiphanies and made friends that I am still in contact with to date.
Every day of the initial 3 weeks at Iseyin camp brought something exciting different.
Considering the good, the bad and the what-happens-in-Ibadan-stays-in-Ibadan, I can boldly admit that my experience of NYSC was quite close to the original idea.
I believe there is A LOT of room for improvement but No I do not think that NYSC should be scrapped.

For Amanda and Bumi: hey you guys! Thanks for the memories!!

Speckled Impression

There’s this song I grew up listening to in church, it goes somewhat like “I’m a millionaire-ah-ah-ah, I’m a millionaire. I’m a happy-happy-happy millionaire”.
It is on the top of my list of favorite Christian songs.
As ‘talented’ as I am, I have never pretended to or claimed to know how to carry a tune.
Sing?
Maybe I can, probably to save my life or that of someone I really care about but if I were to rate my singing ability on a scale of one to ten, I’d give my self a minus one with zero being “somebody-save-us-please!!!-Kindly-turnoff-that-rambling–contraception-before-we-gouge-out-our-ears-with-a-copper-file.Shoot-it-beat-it-squish-it-kill-it-whatever-just-make-it-stop!

So when I was younger, I would clutch my hymnbook anxiously, hold my breath and pray that ‘today’ would be the day they sing the song. Some days I got lucky, my prayer would be heard and the choir master would announce the hymn. I’d quickly flip to the page and hum slash recite the words along with the singing choir.
I always felt uplifted by their rendition and dreamed of happy days to come – having my very own castle complete with flying pony, perfect tea sets and cooperative playmates.
On other days, I was not so lucky.
It didn’t bother me much though. Rather I carefully put away my hymnbook and look forward to the next time. Maybe, I’d get lucky then.

I still love the song till date; problem is

I realize that now unlike before instead of attempting to sing along and get into the groove of the spirit, I’d be busy watching for those who are singing.
I’d then pick out the seemingly single men and keep an eye on them. When they get to the “ I’m a happy millionaire” part I’d notice my gaze traveling down to inspect their shoes, accessories, clothing and back to their face. Usually, I am able to stop there, regain composure and go back to the point of worship but on more occasions, I find myself waiting for the subject of my perusal to catch my gaze so I can give him a look that implies “you this wicked man, is it me you are trying to deceive?”
The clueless man’s reaction is best left to the imagination.

Like play like play, today is Friday October 11 2013 and ASUU is still on strike, not only are Fayrouz, Cheese balls and color-blocking girls becoming scarce but non students are gradually beginning to get used to the idea of having jobless young adults restlessly sit home gazing at the living room ceilings (where applicable)from morning till night wondering whether his/her boyfriend/girlfriend is being faithful to them where ever they are.

In a bid to understand what is going on in my beloved country with respect to education and youth development I have stopped skipping to the next station when the news bulletin is on.
From what I have gleaned there is some sort of love triangle going on with one party looking for who to beat/kidnap/take to court, another party looking for who to bully/coerce/take to court and the 3rd party playing the helpless victim.

In other news; a couple of rams have been detained for violating sanitation laws, a kindly governor handed out galaxy tabs to school children who have no power supply in their places of refuge (pitiful homes), portable drinking water or good school uniforms and finally police encourage citizens to be more trusting and forthcoming. After all the police is your friend!

To end this, I’d pray for Nigeria and make a decree; there will be peace, progress and prosperity, if not today, then tomorrow or the next but it will happen some time in my day...

Do not pout people, smile!

E go better.

Seriously, Why?

The Good-book, the Rulebook and the exalted council of elders. Societies norms to ensure her precious children turn out all right.
“Keep your nose clean” they say, “and you will be rewarded with the pleasures of life”.

Temptation |tem(p)ˈtāSHən|
Noun
A desire to do something, esp. something wrong or unwise

Having desires is not a bad thing neither is doing something.
It is when either or both of the above are done in ways termed as wrong or unwise that it becomes a problem.
This will have been a simple and faultless idea but for the pause that comes afterwards.
I call it the “who pause”.
The last time I asked who determined what was right and wrong I was told it was “the society”. Lately, I seem to be having a problem with that answer because “the society” that determines:
• What is right and wrong
• Who gets punished and who gets saved
• How it should be done and how it should not be done keeps getting smaller and smaller.
I’m thinking along the lines of an L word but unfortunately, the word doesn’t spell out Lubricious, Lover or Lesbian.

My failure to find a crate of Fayrouz to buy because of the on going ASUU strike might have been a passing annoyance but it got me pondering…

The reason for saying “No!” to the advances of the man willing to exchange a huge chunk of his daughter’s college tuition for a chance to ‘wow’ me with a diamond studded bra (with matching panties of course) would have been because the society frowns upon such behavior but now I’m thinking; this is the 21st century, I am in Nigeria, updating this post via internet but last night, I had my shower by candlelight! So tell me dear society, what have you done for me lately?

TY Bello sang a song. It was a hit. African China also had a hit song in 2004.
Am I the only one that pays attention to the lyrics of these hits?

Some years back, my bank paid me twice the amount I paid in. I called their attention to this and returned their money to them. A few years later they sent me a ‘cockroach letter’ begging that the “incidence” of their carelessness, which led to the loss of my hard earned money from their facility, not affect my relationship with them.
They did not return my money back to me.

A certain immaterial but amazing thing happened to fall into my possession.
It does not belong to me.
Considering the 'good' example set by the people before me, wouldn’t doing the right thing be unwise?