To go

On Saturday the 26th of October (best month in the year FYI) I attended a wedding!
Snugly nestled between my father and mother dearest, I realized 2hrs into the event that had been asleep for about all of the first hour.
Problem was not that I was unhappy, unexcited or sent from ‘the village’ its just that hearing 20 people say "I yam am" and "I doom do" one at a time over and over again gets boring after the 3rd round of ‘consents’.
Coupled with the fact that most of the service was in a language I do not speak or understand it became extremely hard to say “No!" and "Get thee behind me.” to the evil spirit coaxing my eyes shut.
After the service, I went for the reception.

It was there I fell in love.

Not with the groom as someone like me might assume (or the bride either!) but with the family receiving the new bride. From where I sat, I could feel love, understanding and unity as the groom’s siblings and kin scurried around looking all bothered, anxious but happy. Welcoming guest, offering hugs/smiles and making people generally feel at home. I wanted to be a part of that family!

Watching them in action brought strength to the saying that getting married is easy but staying married is the big deal.

The thing with weddings is that no matter what your reason for getting hitched is, after the initial badaboom-badabing it becomes a "do you?” "I do" and swearing to stick to your spouse for better or for worse, seven heads and all affair.
The old difference between the East and Western cultures was that while the Western worlds accepted disagreement and seperation between couples when the reason for doing so was justifiable the Eastern culture frowned upon it.
The rule then was that "unna talk say na for better and for worse, you dey run the together show abi? As yawa don gas now, you wan check out? C'mon fall in!! Wetin you bin think say the ‘for worse’ part resemble?"

Then, divorces were not as common.

You come in freely, you make an agreement, and you sign a contract yeah?

You stick to it.

We have failed unions and then we have FG and ASUU.
The difference between these troubled couples is that for the latter, aside from the 'biological children' suffering from the bitter arguments and hurtful exchanges, there is the petty trader in the shopping complex on campus caught somewhere between the standoff that suffers as well.

Worried, her fear is that soon her eldest daughter would go into full-blown prostitution, as she cannot afford to take care of the younger children due to the strike action. The daughter calls these men that drop her off at unholy hours of the day her ‘friends’. They give her an amount of money that ‘she does not work for’. She knows she should stop her but Junior the baby of the house is on admission in the University Teaching Hospital which comprises striking/absent doctors and she is broke.
You see, their father is dead and his family shunned her.
She sold the rest of what she owned to acquire the shop and get it stocked. It became the source of their livelihood, security and all.

I have stopped obsessing over the knowledge that a huge chunk of taxpayer’s money is being wired across border to develop our neighboring sister countries like Chad, Benin, Cameroon and Niger. These nice people are offering our Nigerian children uninterrupted educational supply for a hefty sum, a sum which they use to upgrade their schools, communities and amenities. Who cares that Nigeria is loosing the money we say we do not have?

Finally, these series of nuptial celebrations have got me fantasizing about my dashing prince charming and our happily ever after.
Public service announcement; I’m getting married!!
Hehehe

Speckled Impression

There’s this song I grew up listening to in church, it goes somewhat like “I’m a millionaire-ah-ah-ah, I’m a millionaire. I’m a happy-happy-happy millionaire”.
It is on the top of my list of favorite Christian songs.
As ‘talented’ as I am, I have never pretended to or claimed to know how to carry a tune.
Sing?
Maybe I can, probably to save my life or that of someone I really care about but if I were to rate my singing ability on a scale of one to ten, I’d give my self a minus one with zero being “somebody-save-us-please!!!-Kindly-turnoff-that-rambling–contraception-before-we-gouge-out-our-ears-with-a-copper-file.Shoot-it-beat-it-squish-it-kill-it-whatever-just-make-it-stop!

So when I was younger, I would clutch my hymnbook anxiously, hold my breath and pray that ‘today’ would be the day they sing the song. Some days I got lucky, my prayer would be heard and the choir master would announce the hymn. I’d quickly flip to the page and hum slash recite the words along with the singing choir.
I always felt uplifted by their rendition and dreamed of happy days to come – having my very own castle complete with flying pony, perfect tea sets and cooperative playmates.
On other days, I was not so lucky.
It didn’t bother me much though. Rather I carefully put away my hymnbook and look forward to the next time. Maybe, I’d get lucky then.

I still love the song till date; problem is

I realize that now unlike before instead of attempting to sing along and get into the groove of the spirit, I’d be busy watching for those who are singing.
I’d then pick out the seemingly single men and keep an eye on them. When they get to the “ I’m a happy millionaire” part I’d notice my gaze traveling down to inspect their shoes, accessories, clothing and back to their face. Usually, I am able to stop there, regain composure and go back to the point of worship but on more occasions, I find myself waiting for the subject of my perusal to catch my gaze so I can give him a look that implies “you this wicked man, is it me you are trying to deceive?”
The clueless man’s reaction is best left to the imagination.

Like play like play, today is Friday October 11 2013 and ASUU is still on strike, not only are Fayrouz, Cheese balls and color-blocking girls becoming scarce but non students are gradually beginning to get used to the idea of having jobless young adults restlessly sit home gazing at the living room ceilings (where applicable)from morning till night wondering whether his/her boyfriend/girlfriend is being faithful to them where ever they are.

In a bid to understand what is going on in my beloved country with respect to education and youth development I have stopped skipping to the next station when the news bulletin is on.
From what I have gleaned there is some sort of love triangle going on with one party looking for who to beat/kidnap/take to court, another party looking for who to bully/coerce/take to court and the 3rd party playing the helpless victim.

In other news; a couple of rams have been detained for violating sanitation laws, a kindly governor handed out galaxy tabs to school children who have no power supply in their places of refuge (pitiful homes), portable drinking water or good school uniforms and finally police encourage citizens to be more trusting and forthcoming. After all the police is your friend!

To end this, I’d pray for Nigeria and make a decree; there will be peace, progress and prosperity, if not today, then tomorrow or the next but it will happen some time in my day...

Do not pout people, smile!

E go better.

Guess the gadget

Thanks to my present ‘unemployed’ status, getting internet for my personal use has turned into something from a movie plot – think ‘James Bond meets Mary Poppins’.
Although it has occurred to me to look for a cheaper service provider and get peace of mind from honest dealings as compared to crouching huddled in a corner to use ‘borrowed goods’/perching in front of an archaic desktop computer that makes video cassettes look futuristic, I believe my hesitation now is caused by rumors about * communication blocking concrete walls that have got me thinking 'what's the worse that could happen?'.

I woke up this morning to realize I have a new ability.... Sleep writing!!

It appears I updated my blog at a time all indications prove I was asleep (Green, White and other colors <- ps: if the link I placed there does not appear and you are interested in surveying a manifestation of my alleged new ability kindly hit the home link and select the title). I went through the old and new Nigerian National anthems again this morning and I wonder… Once we were a 'rich' country, we were doing so well. Where did we miss our step, when did we loose focus - What went wrong Nigeria? After checking to ensure I did not mention onion, pepper or tomato portions (I have been told in severe cases of sleep deprivation, I become a tomato seller and start haggling over prices) I decided to keep the post - although I am still trying to figure out the relationship between the hibiscus flower, ASSU strike and Nigeria’s Independence Day. While looking for colored pens I may have stashed away in a cupboard I hardly ever use, I came across carefully warped objects labeled in my writing.

I starred at them for quite a while trying to figure out why they looked so familiar before enlightenment hit me.
They were diskettes!!!
I was curious about what information could be so precious that I went through such measures to keep the diskettes protected and hidden.
While holding my breathe, I searched for somewhere/thing to slot it in.
Surprise – surprise, the CPU of archaic computer had a floppy drive but sadly the disks could not be read (said to format diskettes).

Needing a reference letter as part of my application requirements for a job as a science graduate, I met a prospective referee and asked if he would assist me. In a heartbeat, he was like “sure! No problem” provided I write the letter, he would lend me his letter headed paper and signature.
He even suggested I meet my dad for a draft.
Taking his advice, I printed a copy of my CV and submitted to the Prof only for him to call my attention after 24hrs and tell me that from my CV, I should be looking for jobs in media, tourism and publication industries. Go figure!
Such is life I guess. Like the wise ones say “sdgfjcdmbcdhgfasgndk khona!”






*


* there is this belief that the bad telecommunications network prevalent in the area is as a result of the thick concrete used in erecting the buildings. So for a clear signal, one has to stand directly under the sun or beside an outdoor antenna.
Please, advise: is there logic to this theory?

Seriously, Why?

The Good-book, the Rulebook and the exalted council of elders. Societies norms to ensure her precious children turn out all right.
“Keep your nose clean” they say, “and you will be rewarded with the pleasures of life”.

Temptation |tem(p)ˈtāSHən|
Noun
A desire to do something, esp. something wrong or unwise

Having desires is not a bad thing neither is doing something.
It is when either or both of the above are done in ways termed as wrong or unwise that it becomes a problem.
This will have been a simple and faultless idea but for the pause that comes afterwards.
I call it the “who pause”.
The last time I asked who determined what was right and wrong I was told it was “the society”. Lately, I seem to be having a problem with that answer because “the society” that determines:
• What is right and wrong
• Who gets punished and who gets saved
• How it should be done and how it should not be done keeps getting smaller and smaller.
I’m thinking along the lines of an L word but unfortunately, the word doesn’t spell out Lubricious, Lover or Lesbian.

My failure to find a crate of Fayrouz to buy because of the on going ASUU strike might have been a passing annoyance but it got me pondering…

The reason for saying “No!” to the advances of the man willing to exchange a huge chunk of his daughter’s college tuition for a chance to ‘wow’ me with a diamond studded bra (with matching panties of course) would have been because the society frowns upon such behavior but now I’m thinking; this is the 21st century, I am in Nigeria, updating this post via internet but last night, I had my shower by candlelight! So tell me dear society, what have you done for me lately?

TY Bello sang a song. It was a hit. African China also had a hit song in 2004.
Am I the only one that pays attention to the lyrics of these hits?

Some years back, my bank paid me twice the amount I paid in. I called their attention to this and returned their money to them. A few years later they sent me a ‘cockroach letter’ begging that the “incidence” of their carelessness, which led to the loss of my hard earned money from their facility, not affect my relationship with them.
They did not return my money back to me.

A certain immaterial but amazing thing happened to fall into my possession.
It does not belong to me.
Considering the 'good' example set by the people before me, wouldn’t doing the right thing be unwise?