Cheers to the ‘embers!

For a long time in my house and since I can remember, Christmas and New year (first week of January) holidays are spent in the village.
The only year we the Fanta-chapman drinking children of my folks rebelled against this unwritten commandment and decided to stay in the city, my mother dearest was involved in a freak accident.
She broke her hand.
Mother dear had to go around with her arm in a sling for close to two months.
Considering both hands are usually needed to whip, chop, roll, grate, stir and cut all the mouthwatering delicacies that accompany the season, you can imagine how devastated we the now compliant children were.

During one of such Christmases, being the ever-obliging niece that I am, without being asked, I offered to escort my uncle around the village as he ran his errands.
The trip was uneventful.
My uncle finished his errands in record time and soon, we were headed home.
Halfway through our homeward journey, he started humming a tune and urged me to sing along.
As I struggled to follow his lead (the song was in my native dialect which by some wicked trick of fate, I have failed to grasp) he began to tell a story.
He told three stories.
By the time he was through with the 3rd story, I had covered the exposed parts of my body, rolled up the glass of the car and checked to make sure my door was locked for the 50th time.

To my uncle, I was this enthralled little girl enjoying his scary stories while in reality, I was a scared teen on the verge of twenties very close to pissing my panties afraid to tell him to stop because the first story he told was about a child who did not listen to elders and do as she was told – by gorilla’s in the forest.
He was driving on a road bordered by thick forests with things some might claim to be birds randomly flying by.

Christmas is coming!

But before Christmas comes, we would witness September’s passing, celebrate Nigeria’s Independence Day and fall prey to the Christmas sales that will go on for most of November.

This year, Independence Day falls on Tuesday October 1st.

Independence Day is an annual celebration commemorating the anniversary of a nation's assumption of independent statehood.

This year, God willing, this great nation Nigeria will be 53 years old.

Hopefully, by the D-day, I’d have come up with something very enthusiastic to say about Nigeria’s independence from oppression, exploitation and predation.

Christmas is coming!!

An unforgiving god

I stood outside the house starring at nothing in particular with my hands akimbo.
There I was happily rocking my short-cropped hair and wondering if today will be the day I pass a comb through it or just do my usual finger brushing thingny after my morning shower when this young lady began inching towards me.
I had prepared my mind to think of the simplest and shortest possible route to give to her as I assumed that she was in need of directions – why else would a normal and sane looking person be going out of her way to approach someone gazing at noting in particular so early in the morning?
(when in a bank, I prepare to share my pen, give the date or help a little old lady fill her bank teller, when wearing ‘hundred’ inch heels I prepare to break a possible fall as a result of my erm... no idea and when walking alone after 9pm on an eerie road I set my legs to flight mode. Any strange entity come too close to me, I make like Usain St. Leo Bolt and…!!).

The young lady touched me ever so gently and questioned in a slow whisper “ sister, na your husband follow you go abi na your boyfriend?” I gasped and tried to prevent my jaw from dropping to the floor. Now that was one question I did not foresee.

After a brief exchange with me answering her questions and giving my candid advice, I bid her farewell and watched as she scurried out and away from my line of vision.
The young lady was from either kalabari kingdom, akwaibom or somewhere in the riverine parts of the south – south of Nigeria (I wasn't paying too much attention to what she said but remember saying "so you sabi swim wella abi?").
It turns out she has been nursing a craving to have her full head of unadulterated virgin hair cut but was not permitted to do so.
When she spotted me, she saw a kindred spirit and decided to share her plight.

In her village, a woman was only allowed to cut her hair if she was in mourning.
To do otherwise, she would need to tender either a husband or a boyfriend who will accompany her to the venue and proceed to tell the barber, cutter or hair stylist that he was aware of her said intentions, was in approval and had granted his permission. Or else, someone will face the consequence!

Isn’t tradition wonderful?!

Reflecting on this brought another possibly unrelated incidence to mind.

Sometime in the past, Uselu market in Benin City, Edo state experienced a fire accident.
During the commotion, there were a whole lot of looting, plundering and general misdemeanors.
In anger, one of the affected people, an African traditional worshiper cried to her god (small letter g) and placed a curse on peoples were in possession of stolen goods.
Immediately word of her deeds got around, people started returning goods, even goods not stolen from Uselu market!
The returned items amounted to a huge pile.
The pile was there for a long time as the real owners were afraid of accidentally taking an item that was not theirs and in the process end up with a raptured belly, rotten feet and something to do with the tongue (can’t recall the details of the curse again, it really was a while back).
I can’t remember what happened at the end of 'the day' or how the pile varnished but I know I was in awe for a very long time.
Maybe I still am, who knows?

‘Officially’ in Nigeria today, there are more Christians and Muslims than traditional worshippers and native doctors (juju priests) but there is less honesty, justice and fair play.
It is not only disturbing but unsettling as the holy books describe traditional worship as devilish and wicked yet most of these 'evil people' show more respect for human life, reward for labor and the laws of their land.
Are these robbers, extorters, murderers and kidnappers not either Christians or Muslims?
I hate to ask this, but I am quite confused so I'd ask anyway.
Our darling chairmen, senators, governors and leaders of the land. You who are responsible for the Progress, Safety, Security and Life of the citizens of this great nation?
Where lies your faith?

Seriously, Why?

The Good-book, the Rulebook and the exalted council of elders. Societies norms to ensure her precious children turn out all right.
“Keep your nose clean” they say, “and you will be rewarded with the pleasures of life”.

Temptation |tem(p)ˈtāSHən|
Noun
A desire to do something, esp. something wrong or unwise

Having desires is not a bad thing neither is doing something.
It is when either or both of the above are done in ways termed as wrong or unwise that it becomes a problem.
This will have been a simple and faultless idea but for the pause that comes afterwards.
I call it the “who pause”.
The last time I asked who determined what was right and wrong I was told it was “the society”. Lately, I seem to be having a problem with that answer because “the society” that determines:
• What is right and wrong
• Who gets punished and who gets saved
• How it should be done and how it should not be done keeps getting smaller and smaller.
I’m thinking along the lines of an L word but unfortunately, the word doesn’t spell out Lubricious, Lover or Lesbian.

My failure to find a crate of Fayrouz to buy because of the on going ASUU strike might have been a passing annoyance but it got me pondering…

The reason for saying “No!” to the advances of the man willing to exchange a huge chunk of his daughter’s college tuition for a chance to ‘wow’ me with a diamond studded bra (with matching panties of course) would have been because the society frowns upon such behavior but now I’m thinking; this is the 21st century, I am in Nigeria, updating this post via internet but last night, I had my shower by candlelight! So tell me dear society, what have you done for me lately?

TY Bello sang a song. It was a hit. African China also had a hit song in 2004.
Am I the only one that pays attention to the lyrics of these hits?

Some years back, my bank paid me twice the amount I paid in. I called their attention to this and returned their money to them. A few years later they sent me a ‘cockroach letter’ begging that the “incidence” of their carelessness, which led to the loss of my hard earned money from their facility, not affect my relationship with them.
They did not return my money back to me.

A certain immaterial but amazing thing happened to fall into my possession.
It does not belong to me.
Considering the 'good' example set by the people before me, wouldn’t doing the right thing be unwise?