Dear diary

So that’s how one scantily dressed musician took my favorite cookies and turned them into a euphemism for sex (or something like it).

There I was minding my business (sort of) and looking for food to eat when my attention was caught by ‘Oreo’ boldly crested across the TV screen. I halfheartedly continued the task at hand and begun stealing glances at the TV wondering what was coming next. I looked away for a bit.
When I looked again, there was a bowl of said cookies on screen with a man and woman looking like they were about to do ‘grown up things’ in the background. By now I was salivating for the cookies and decided to perch on the edge of the sofa curious to know what was coming next.

That decision was my mistake.

The rest of the song is a blur.

The end of it all is that now I can’t honestly look at a piece of Oreo cookies without wondering

a. If that’s sugar or Iyanya’s #### lying snugly between the cheeks of the cookie sandwich and
b. If I’m about to lick, bite and chew Iyanya.
Like seriously?
I mean why?
Why Oreo? Of all the desserts, confectioneries and treats, it had to be the one I like!
To make matters worse, so people like me can’t make up excuses for him or say he could be referring to something else, he made sure he had Oreo samples splattered all over the video. I’m sure if I watch the song again I will find more Oreos in sublime locations.
What ever did Oreos do to him? Why oreo? I mean there is the whole McVities brand family to choose from – hobnobs, digestive, shortbread even short cake amongst others. There is Maryland cookies, Danish and if he wants to go the Naija way, there is Noreo, Coaster and the mother of all mainstays – Cabin!

Why Oreos? Why? Why? Why???!

*Pause here for dramatic rant*

At the end of the day, I ended up eating one kian yam porridge that had a hint of vinegar, no onions, plenty fish and tomato puree.
The height of the porridge was when a white French-ish (he speaks fluent French and struggles with English) Chef cleaned out his plate with the conclusion that the food was spicy but good – bon!

Which brings me to another entry; the day I wandered towards yonder.

It would have been a regular normal story if it had not involved a yellow man, a red taxi, a cold bed and an impulsive urge to er… wander?

... To be continued

hiatus

/haɪˈeɪtəs/
noun (pl) -tuses, -tus
1. (esp. in manuscripts) a break or gap where something is missing
2. a break or interruption in continuity
3. a break between adjacent vowels in the pronunciation of a word
4. (anatomy) a natural opening or aperture; foramen
5. (anatomy) a less common word for vulva

Derived Forms
hiatal, adjective
Word Origin
C16: from Latin: gap, cleft, aperture, from hiāre to gape, yawn

- Collins English Dictionary - Complete & Unabridged 2012 Digital Edition
© William Collins Sons & Co. Ltd. 1979, 1986 © HarperCollins
Publishers 1998, 2000, 2003, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2012


Now that’s over with…

In my opinion, I have always argued that “wetin concern agbero with overload" will be the price increase you will have to pay per extra kilogram he is being made to haul. That is if the agbero being referred to in the above quote is the one that chases you with wheelbarrow or ‘baco’ bags forcing/urging you to give him your groceries to carry for you for a “small” stipend. If it is otherwise, you don’t have to accept this argument. like I said, it is my opinion.

This was going to be a really cute story of how one mother of an infant tied her wee baby on her back and ran to knock on the door of another mother of an infant (who due to the combined effect of the heat and the baby's restlessness had already tied her baby on her back after stripping said baby to a tiny cotton chemise) and told her that NEPA people where out side cutting their shared power supply line.
The story halted at this point because mother 2 was confused. She remembered sitting with her husband a few days back, keeping him company while he paid the bill online. She stood rooted to the spot counting her fingers to make sure she got the days of the week right. By the time she came to and got her legs to function again, mother 1 was standing outside with her stamped NEPA bill trying to explain to the mule headed gentlemen (one on the pole disconnecting the line, one in the car looking like a sickly getaway driver for a heist and one looking into space while the mother spoke) that they were not owing any payment so did not warrant their actions.
Mother 2 watched the proceedings from a distance because she knew since they paid online there was no stamped NEPA bill to show.
She nodded encouragingly at mother 1 supporting her in her mission from afar.

The cuteness was actually imagining a horse and a donkey getting together. The particular word to describe rest of the story eludes me.

The questions:

1. Do they know it is unsafe to keep cutting and reconnecting power lines?
2. Do they see the connection between constant cutting of power lines and electrocution of innocent homeowners and bystanders?
3. What type of spirit will push them to go ahead to disconnect the line after proof of payment has been tendered? Tendered by a mother backing a heat-disturbed baby for that matter!
4. Do they sleep with both eyes closed at night or do they find someone else to lay the blame on… the devil maybe?

Will remain “for the gods to answer” as they say.

Where my candle sellers at?!