Paper or Plastic?

One of these day's I'd build up the nerve to go the store beside the shop where I grind tomatoes in the market and ask if they have 2 dozen pregnant flies, a tortoise's first dream or the eye balls of virgin frogs.
I mean, for a "spiritual shop" I would not expect any less from them.
It wouldn't surprise me if they have a working POS machine on the premises and the attendant asks me if I'd like the pregnant flies wrapped in paper or plastic.

But until I grow a second pair of kidney that would enable me work the liver to allow me walk into a "juju" store, I guess I'd keep walking past said store and wondering what else they have in stock.

Oh! And how many of the people I have come across so far patronize them .


Today's lessons:

1. Garri Ijebu and stew will never pass for a satisfying plate of "swallow".

2. When the love of your life introduces you as "my er- friend" you can be certain that you are on a very "long thing".

3. Never fart in the staff room when there are less than 2 persons present (or it is likely that you will not be by yourself in the staff room for long).

4. The person that came up with the idea of "if you miss someone, call" was on some sort of cheap high.


I believe soon, Nigeria would be ours. You can either agree with me or go and hug transformer.

What did you do today?

- Oseyi

Bugs to taste

You can not begin to imagine the disappointment I felt after having successfully devised a way of keeping "bole" hot for longer, I set the table before me armed with a chilled sachet of pure water and my trusty blackberry phone (to snap my food before eating it; this seems to have taken the place of prayers before meals) only to pop open a "brand new" bottle of ketchup and jump back in surprise as winged insects scuttled out.

The seriously "9jan" part of me wanted to use a spoon to remove the insects and continue eating but the health wary me who couldn't figure out how live insects got into a sealed bottle of ketchup decided to close the bottle back, insects and all and eat my bole "without" t'was a sad evening for me me and my bole I tell you.

I promised to wow all and sundry with my next post but due to cases that involve casting out demons, shining my eye's and stalking men, me and my pc have been having an estranged relationship.

All this will change ( hopefully -gulp)

The idea of Salt, Lime and Stranger things is to (aside from that which the name implies) try out different flavors, mix to match, say whats on my mind and on the minds of those who dare to think it.

I am 1st an African, among other things so do not expect me to shun where I am from.
On occasion, I could decide to be a boy or a girl depending on my mood, nothing do me, na me get my mouth.





- Oseyi