Potty Logic

If you went “What the hell?!” on seeing the picture, you can half imagine my elder brother’s reaction when after calling out my name for a couple of minutes and searching for me in my regular hiding holes, he came to my room and stopped short as I waltzed out of the toilet with said item on the really pretty saucer.
At first I wondered why he was looking at me like I had sprouted chicken feet, was airborne and using thousand Naira notes as chop sticks to eat goat poop.
Then, it clicked.
I laughed so hard that I came close to dropping the saucer along with the bewildering item on my freshly laundered sheets.
When I stopped shaking so hard from laughter, he cautiously came close to me, examined my bounty and left the room with an incredulous sigh.
After controlling the urge to give into another fit of laughter, I dropped the saucer on a stool and went on about my business.

A couple of people at the end of the year decide to take a break and leave the hustle and bustle of city living behind for a few days.
Some travel out of the county and go to either exotic or questionable locations, others go to their holiday houses within the country (a few people in this category have to hold a series of meetings to decide which “holiday home” they would retire to) while the rest return to the states from which they hail from; also referred to as their villages.
It is when you live in a city rich in smog, traffic jams and head splitting street noise from dusk to dawn that you can appreciate the peace and quiet of the last mentioned location.

The fresh unpolluted air, friendly well meaning greetings from neighbors and the magnificent starlit skies at night might shock you initially but after a day or two, it becomes something for the “happy moments”.
With the rate of indiscriminate industrialization going on in the country, unworthy road vehicles and the ability to change a “stop work” sign with a few Naira notes, I often fear that in Nigeria 10 years from now, children would have to refer to story books for pictures of open fields, fruit trees and butterflies.

At the moment, I still have a village.
I count myself lucky.

Among the things I look forward to in my village are the structures that defy time and stand till this day, the do’s and do not’s of the land (…when giving a gift of yams, you either give 3, 5, 7 and above never 2, 4 or 6) and the assorted traditional delicacies which include *Ikpekere, *Oka bi ize weh, *Oli



and the not so traditional roasted groundnuts in their shells
* I am very sure my ancestors have gone 360 degrees in their graves at the bastardization of my mother tongue; I hereby beg their forgiveness.
*Ps:
To the nice reader who asked me what happens when you fart in a swimming pool, I’d like to first start by saying Oseyi is not short for ask.com (notice the absence of the preceding A and dot com in the name?) and then go forward to reassure him that the pool water will not change color around him (to my knowledge, that only happens when you pee in the pool).
For the record, it is very wrong to pee/piss/take a leak/ pass out urine/make water in a swimming pool.
You should never do that.
Seriously!
What happens when you fart however is that the gas, travels around your swimming suit (like a warm caress on a mildly sunny day) and comes up to the surface of the water as air bubbles.
So, unless you have a logical explanation for having loads of air bubbles around you, I do not think it is also a good idea to fart in the pool.
I hope by my kind efforts, I have been able to satisfactorily answer your question.
Have a lovely weekend and do not think of monkeys
- Oseyi