Head. On a silver platter

I doubt I can burst into spontaneous tears like the beautiful Oge Okoye (I was lucky to be in same venue with her and a group of them “Nollynians” when a colleague asked her to “cry for the camera”. Just like that, the dams of her tear ducts went “pop!” and out poured the torrent. I was awestruck and was like; how did she do that?!)
I am very confident however that, when it comes to displaying vengeful and earth scorching anger, I am a pro.
All that is needed to trigger this emotion is to picture any or all of the present lower denominations of the Nigerian currency.
Talking of 5, 10, 20 and 50 naira notes!
I mean whose bright idea was it to replace the trusty paper money with “waterproof” and nylon?

Did the clerics at the “Aso court” foresee a flood?

It is bad enough that I wasted precious time in school during my formative years learning about the characteristics of the Nigerian currency (...legal tender, store of value, etc) which does not apply to the Naira now I have to deal with money melting in my pocket, getting broken, becoming suddenly shy and transparent.
I can just picture the teenage airheaded girlfriend of the person in charge of “currency design” rubbing his head and saying “honey, if you really love me, for my 18th birthday, I would like money that can be used to make boyfriend slippers” and him belting out “Yes my darling! Yes my lady!! Yes my love!!” like a randy he-goat.
See me happy today thinking I had managed to avoid the embarrassment and insults that ensue when you give a “red-eyed” bus conductor a thousand Naira note for a 30 Naira trip only to be pulled out from my state of bliss by my brand new 20 Naira note which became a living thing before my eyes, underwent mitosis and lost its twin to the wind.
My poor keyboard is taking a beating for my annoyance.

Keyboard I am sorry.

So, days back, a lady friend of mine wrote in bewilderment “do these people think youth corps members are goats?” when I asked her why she was lamenting, she spoke of how they usually took away the good chairs and left the broken and useless one’s for the corps members.
They could either seat on said chairs at the risk of loosing/harming body parts or…
I sent my condolences and proceeded to speak about the weather.
Today I went to the southwest secretariat and saw a herd of corps members.
They were clustered together, trying to force themselves through a tiny doorway while begging for attention.
Some were lying on top of the other, sweating, looking tormented and forlorn. While others turned savage, forgot why they were there in the first place and took to exchanging words and occasional blows.
The image of a Fulani herdsman gently guiding his cattle to greener pastures came to mind but unlike these people, the cattle’s are usually clam, well spaced and taken care of.
For someone like me that experiences claustrophobia on occasion, playing hooky became my light at the end of the tunnel herd.
Thinking back, that lady was wrong in asking if they thought the Nigerian Corps Members were goats I believe the idea is somewhere between intelligent monkey’s and cows.

In other news:
Nawti by Olu Maintain still gets me swaying my pseudo hips to his flute beckons. While the burst of color in the Fotojenik (remix) and Sisi Eko (Remix) videos by Wizboy ft Ikechukwu and Dare ft. Flavour makes me happy, I still have giggling fits when the image of Kate Henshaw dancing “Etighi” in the video of African Skank by JJC comes to mind.
I’ve seen the videos over and over and still it is not enough, something in the lyrics, symphony and fluid movement makes me proud these artists are who they are as well as Nigerians.

And then prince charming threw Oseyi over his shoulder, straddled his kpekpeye and rode off into the sunset.
*PS: they lived happily ever after (minus the fowl)

Yes we can!

Something tells me that it was only the Power Holding Company of Nigeria that paid attention to the presidential debate in America years back when the aspirant urged supporters to believe in determination. As a result, I am guessing when asked jokingly if they had what it took to keep the nation in darkness and frustration the first thing they shouted was "yes we can" and time and time again, they keep proving that really, yes they will.

I do not know whether to call it illiteracy, ignorance or greed but seriously, how can we file for the title “developing nation” when something as simple as generating power becomes a Rubik’s cube?

I am presently fighting a loosing battle.
I am curious as to who would come out on top ( I honestly hope it would be me) my systems power is reading 5%, the heat of the darkness has left me in a perpetual state of drowsiness which makes it difficult to have comprehensive conversations.
Still, I type trusting that my brain to keyboard relay would be more coordinated than I am.

On second thought I’d let this be the shortest and most puzzling piece I’d write hopefully NEPA would return power and I’d be able to upload “ The Tortoise, The Hare and Mr. Nancy” something to look forward to!

#YAWN#

Why you should not walk on dividers or tracks

1. It is a common thing when walking on a road divider, to get carried away and slip into a daydream. If this happens, there is a possibility that you could wander into the part of the road with denser traffic, get startled by a drivers dog who decided to at that instant stick its head out of the car window and then miss a step.
I would leave you to imagine what happens when you trip on a busy road.

2. When you begin your journey, the road might appear narrow and easy to meander about. Often times, seemingly innocent empty streets pour out into busy (very busy) thruways. When this happens to you, you will be able to commiserate with all those poor 4-legged animals who find themselves in the middle of the road at night enthralled by the glare of car lights as said vehicles come at them with breakneck speed.

3. If you are not in ponytails/think Ben10 is super awesome, holding a lunch box and know all the flavors of Indomie noodles (usually known to children between the ages 3 to 11 years) you cant play the “I had no idea I was not supposed to do so” card.
It is plain odd to see an obvious adult with arms spread eagle going “tra-la-la” in the middle of the road.


4. Most railway tracks in Nigeria are like political parties in the country; functional today abandoned tomorrow (news reaching me lately is that the number of disbanded parties count up to about thirty something now. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? ) However, unlike political parties (I hope) every now and then, you catch a glimpse of an old prehistoric train dragging itself, carriages and cargo devotedly along the tracks.
It was actually fun to watch one of such occurrence in Oyo state, I wonder where the train came from/where it was headed.

5. Sadly, some road dividers and railway tracks could be the cause of fatal casualties as in cases where car owners loose control of their steering wheels and run into a road divider in a bid to halt their vehicle. Persons who were on road dividers when such incidents occur barely live to tell the tale.

I have about a dozen more reasons why you shouldn’t do the above title from personal experience and from hearsay if however you have the urge to do so every now and then, there is absolutely nothing I can say to make you change your mind.

As for Valentines Day, which was yesterday 14th February 2013 I have decided that the only thing I’d recount is a stern warning to aspiring romantics.


YOU DO NOT embark on a 2-hour journey, get comfortable in a hotel at one end of town and proceed to make an unsuspecting victim travel a bumpy and uncomfortable distance that sucks up about an hour of their life to get to you and call it a surprise visit.
I fail to see the surprise in that.
Seriously!!
Do not ever –ever do that.
Ever!!
It is so not cool (at all)

On getting to this point, it occurred to me that my initial intention was to do a piece on TGIF but heck, there is always tomorrow and the day after.

Have a lovely weekend and be nice to regular looking people.

The End

Yours or Mine?

We have Èṣù, Heremes and Loki. Thor, Sàngó, Amadioha and Odin. Oya, Oshun, Oba and finally Ogun, Hephaestus and Visvakarma.
Members of each group have something in common, can you guess?
Before answering, how many of the aforementioned names do you recognize?
If you answered all but one, I’d be impressed!!




It would have been perfect as Sàngó, Thor and Amadioha but it being that Odin and Sàngó share the tradition of hanging from a tree for a greater purpose and being vivid patrons of the arts. The list had to be extended to include him.
While Èṣù and Heremes have the messenger of the god’s thing going for them, it is Èṣù and Loki that really interest me as tricksters and spirits of chaos.







Oya, Oshun and Oba are female deities and wives of Sango while Ogun, Hephaestus and Visvakarma are
warriors

and masters of craft/creativity.

It is quite curious to know that Walt Disney, Paramount pictures and Warner Bros to name a few can with the assistance of creative writers take a cultural icon (like say Zeus) and turn him into a million dollar franchise.
In the process they not only line their pockets but also ensure that said characters remain in history for a long time to come.

Does “preservation of culture” come to mind?

Nigeria is divided into 6 geopolitical regions, each of these have their unique culture and traditions.
Of the 6 geopolitical regions, the south-west, south-south and south-east appear to have the most deities, myths and legends.
I remember some of the stories I heard growing up.
Of brave men and women who went against the odds to perform great feats in the name of their villages, clans or for the sake of lovers.
My mission is to recover as many of these that are still living and bring them home to where they would be loved, cherished and enjoyed.
Here is one:

Sango also known as “Oba Koso” is the ancestor of the Yoruba people of Nigeria. He is believed to be the “god of thunder” hurling thunder stones to earth, killing those who offend him or setting their houses on fire. History has it that he is the son of Yemoja, the mother goddess and protector of birth.
His symbol is a double-headed axe, which represents swift and balanced justice. He is the owner of the sacred batá drums.

Sango had three wives: Oba, Oshun and Oya.

Oba was Sango’s first and legitimate wife but was scorned by Sango after falling for a jealous trick played on her by Oshun his second wife. In agony she ran out crying, fell to the ground and turned into a river, which is still being worshipped till date. Oba became the patron of matrimony and is believed to destroy marriages in which there is abuse of either partner.

Oshun (or Osun) her likeness is usually depicted as a tall and beautiful woman. She wears a mirror on her belt. Thanks to her superb cooking, she was the favorite wife of Sango. According to beliefs, she was the only female “Irunmole” amongst the original 16 sent from the spirit realm to create the world as such, she is revered as “Yeye” the great mother.

Oya the third wife of Sango whom he made his queen was a crafty woman. She is believed to be the spirit of change, transition, and the chaos that often brings it about. She is seen in aspects as the warrior-spirit of the wind, lightning, fertility, fire, and magic. She creates hurricanes and tornadoes, and guards the underworld.

... to continue, leave a comment!

Threadbare

In my juvenile days, I had a mad thing for clothes with pockets.
The more the pockets, the merrier I would be.
I hankered for dungarees, combat shorts, combat trousers and combat skirts even.
I’d pick a needle and thread and sew in a pocket on my regular clothes if I could get away with it!
(On writing the word juvenile, the image of myself as a dungaree wearing baby fish popped into my head)

As I did not start doing my laundry until later, my aunt and siblings would marvel at the items they pulled out of my pockets; nails, rubber bands, threads, matchsticks, chalk, plaster, bottle covers, the list goes on.
Eventually they got tired of asking me why I moved around with such items although now I am much older and you would not find said items in my pockets,

I cant say the same for my purse and or handbag.

Amongst the regular delights and sweets I looked forward to whenever my family returned to the village for the holidays, visiting my mum’s aunt was close to the top.
I do not recall the woman (aside from concluding she smelled like old people and always shying from hugging her) or how to get to her place but I do remember sneaking off to the side of her house to the cotton plants growing in her garden.
I would gather loads of the tender white buds and stuff them in my pockets.

When we got home, I would run off with my loot and divide them into batches.
Some I’d “spin” for poor Rapunzel or keep to use and make my clothes when I grew up, some I’d keep for “grooming” and first aid purposes and the rest for stuffing some of my not so stuffed –stuffed toys.
No one knew of these my escapades but I can bet my mum’s aunt wondered which animal or insect got to her plants only in December.

Spotting a single cotton plant hesitantly growing close to the road about a week ago brought these fond memories back along with the question; what happened to the cotton plants?

I called my mum and asked her what her aunt used the cotton plants for and she said she is not sure but suspected she sold them to a cloth maker.

That made sense.

When I think of cotton now, I think of bandages and oil.

Today's topic: Cotton

Cotton is a soft, fluffy staple fiber that grows in a boll, or protective capsule, around the seeds of cotton plants. The cotton fibers of the species Gossypium herbaceum contain short, staple thick fibers, which are often used in textile and apparel sectors, compresses, gauze, bandages, cotton swabs, tampons, sanitary towels and blah - blah. Cotton also finds use in the manufacture of home furnishings and professional garments.
Cottonseed oil is a cooking oil extracted from the seeds of cotton plant of various species of cotton. Cattle food, mayonnaise, soaps, cosmetics and explosives are a few of the products that contain cottonseed oil. High in vitamin E, cottonseed oil has a long shelf life and a neutral taste, making it useful cooking oil although not every one agrees on the health benefits of its consumption.

In various parts of Nigeria, cotton was produced and used in the maufacture of clothes.
There were cloth weaving traditions mostly in urban areas and cities like Benin, Borno, Bida, Abeokuta, Okene, Iseyin, Illorin, Awete, Sokoto, Kano and so on.

The Aso-Oke (a short form of Aso Ilu Oke also known as Aso-Ofi meaning clothes from the up-country) and Awete (a special woven fabric by Igbo women in Akwete area near Aba in Abia State. Originally referred to as “Akwa Miri” - Cloth of the water- meaning towel) designs had a fascinating tradition which I hope to recount real soon.

There were age grades and societies dedicated to the planting, processing and sales of the plants and other materials needed for cloth making.
It was a pride to be part of such groups because often, the king or rulers bestowed people with titles and honors in recognition of their talents.

Sadly, like the disappearance of the cotton plants all this seems to be fading away.

The question is why?

What does the mister of culture and tourism do really? Seriously, I’d like to know because if the preservation of the tradition and cultures of the people does not rank high on the list, I wonder what does.

The people presently need me right now to go and play class teacher so sadly, I will end this here with a curtsey, a kiss and a how do you do!