The Cockroach Letter

A cockroach letter is a standard bulls**t letter sent by a company/service provider to a customer in response to a letter of complaint/evidently dissatisfied customer when the body of said letter meets certain criteria.

Today I was reminded of an incidence from 2009 between me and my bank when I got a mail that didn't concern me (or so I thought) from them.

I had often heard people talk about cockroach letter and did not think much of it until (and to my surprise) when for all my effort and after the stress they put me through, the bank sent me said letter and (would you believe it?) a complimentary pen! Like I was supposed to write away my hurt.

I was too weak with disbelief to do anything then; I mean who gets a pen after being defrauded?

So today, when I got the unnecessary email from them and saw their reply I looked up Cockroach letter and discovered a funny story which I'd share next.

"

This guy on an aeroplane noticed a cockroach in the aisle. On arriving at his destination, he fires off a letter to the president of the airline, pointing out that roaches thrive where there’s filth, and that he expected better things of the airline company.

Within a few days (this is in the days when one posted letters) he got a letter in response, deploring the roach incident, saying that they had never heard of such an incident before and that if he produced the letter he could get an upgrade to first class next time. In addition the plane and its hangar had been fumigated and that the maintenance crew had been disciplined, and in closing, Thanked him for bringing this nasty situation to their attention!

For months he told his colleagues and friends about this fantastic service, attention to detail and how the passengers of this airline meant so much to them. 

Then one day he hauled out the letter to show a friend, and a post-it note that had been stuck to the inside of the envelope drifted to the floor. He picked it up and read in absolute shock - it said: Grecian - send this idiot the standard cockroach letter

."

My bank asked me to send the transaction date and my account number which thanks to my penchant for taking pictures every other day I was able to provide. I am quite curious as to how this will play out...
a). Would they refund my money after 5 years?
b). Will they still insist I arranged to have myself robbed?
c). Will they send me another Cockroach letter?

Have you ever received a Cockroach letter from a service provider?
How did you react?

As you like it

That awkward moment when the sugar rush from eating milk wafers is lacking after going through the whole mouth pleasing pack.
Torn between fighting the urge to spit out the last bit while checking to make sure the product isn’t expired makes quite an amusing picture.
Eventually the realization that wafers are not a good remedy for eye-blinding hunger comes to mind.

A funny thing happened last week…

February 14 was St. Valentine’s Day.
A day which appears to have been ‘from a summary of past accounts and history’ originally a celebration of love between lovers but now is an occasion to give alms to the poor, visit orphanage homes, go to church, bankrupt selves in the name of impressing a beau, have meaningless sex (possibly after receiving a gift of white handkerchief, singlet and boxers) and/or feel sorry for yourself for not being in a relationship/in love/ involved.
From past accounts and recent times, it seems to be a day when people not only choose to wear red and white looking like members of the Ayelala secret society in Edo state but also generally pair up and have fun with one or a multitude of friends/strangers.
Somehow this definition was lost to me because I ended up spending the fun part of the day being continuously dunked in water and it was not because I was smoking hot.
I was supposed to be a quite observer at a pool party; drink in hand, beau at hand all was well with me until a girl who even I had difficulty keeping eye contact with (she had water filled balloons for boobs that threatened to fall out of their barely there ‘enclosure’ every time she moved) decided to pick up the ice filled champagne bucket, ignore the lot of people wearing swimsuits and boxers and empty the contents on a fully clothed me in the name of ice bucket challenge.

I mean, what the hell was that?!

Shocked and freezing, I scurried off and went to change to dry clothes taking time to towel dry my hair and apply lip-gloss on my kisser.

location: Hôtel Bimyns, Porto Novo.

I barely reached the landing of the party grounds when suddenly I was airborne, twisting my neck in a bid to identify my pilot, the arrival destination came to view: the pool.
Screaming, I tried to explain that I wasn’t dressed to swim/I had just changed out of wet clothes. The final bit of my protest came out as a gurgle as I had been unceremoniously dumped into the pool.
This happened about two more times until it occurred to me that changing out of my wet clothes seemed to be a subliminal invitation.
The highpoint part of this account happened the next day when a young man who spoke in amazement about a guest who had an unbelievably ample behind for her tiny frame was cut short by another man telling him the buttocks was fake, that the lady took them off when she went to use the bathroom. The look of hurt that lined his face at the deception was so sad it was hilarious.

I did not find anything wrong or right with what she did though. It is her body after all and she is allowed to do whatever pleases her with it.

Shout out to NEPA for giving me a few seconds of power to write this.

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Ciao!