Toh bad

Nenye resisted the urge to roll her eyes.
She was on a call with Stacy her best friend whose life was so ‘perfect’ she wondered how they remained friends.

Looking up she noticed the queue for the bus about 400 meters away from her was getting thin she couldn’t wait for her bus to pull up so she could go to her apartment get rid of the many layers of clothes she had decided to wear today and relax with the last can of Gulder she had found in a Nigerian store during her house hunting phase.
She glanced at the bus again. There was something about the bus number that was familiar.
She stared at it for a while before it clicked.
That was her bus! “Stacy I’m going to miss my bus! Talk later, love ya.” Ending the call, she shoved her mobile phone into her handbag, searched blindly for her ticket while running to make it to the bus stop before the driver shut the doors of her ride home.
The last passenger got on. She was half crying half muttering “please don’t go, please don’t go” as she drew nearer. She was so close.
The next bus wasn’t due to come in another 30 minutes and right now she wanted to pee.

She made it! The last passenger smiled at her before going to his seat. He saw her running and deliberately stalled so she could make it. For a moment she was so enthralled by his smile that she forgot to show her ticket. The driver hit the call button to get her attention. Embarrassed, she flashed her ticket and made her way to an empty seat after mouthing thank you to the guy with the lovely smile.
He was handsome, she was in love.

She got to her apartment without incidence and sighed as she opened the door.
For the next 18 months this little space was going to be her home. She hadn't spent up to a month in the town but she was already homesick.
Dropping her bag on her reading table, she padded over to the kitchen in her small studio apartment and brought out the chilled drink from her fridge.
Deciding to make it last, she picked up a bucket of left over chicken from the fridge, emptied it on a plate and popped it into the microwave. When the timer beeped, she carefully picked the plate and placed it on a tray along with the can of Gulder. She slipped into her sandals tray in one hand and opened the back door of the apartment.
She was nibbling the last piece of chicken when she smelled something familiar.
It was menthol flavoured cigarette, it was a smell she associated with a lounge in her home country.
Feeling like a hound, she dropped her tray and started sniffing around for the source.
The trail came to a stop at the fence dividing the apartments. She turned over a bucket, climbed on it and peeped over. "Aha! I've got you!" It was a man with his back turned to her.
The series of events that followed happened so fast, she almost convinced her self it did not happen.

He turned, she gasped, lost her footing and fell from the bucket and landed on her butt.
She heard him walk towards the fence. “Are you okay over there?” His voice brought an image of John Legend serving her breakfast in bed to mind. She nodded, realising he couldn’t see her she managed a squeaked. “I am okay, nothing is broken just my pride.” She heard him laugh and walk away.
She didn’t know what hurt the most. Falling on her butt or finding out the really cute guy from the bus she was now convinced she was in love with lived next door and his first impression of her was a chicken bone carrying clumsy stalker.

Nenye was awake and out of her bed before her alarm went off. She was a girl on a mission.
Today, she decided she was going to ‘accidentally’ bump into her neighbour she had nicknamed Denzel on his way to town.
They were going to engage in a brilliant conversation, ride the bus together, fall in love, get married and have babies with super sexy smiles.

She had carefully picked out what to wear, had her bath and was dressed with her face flawlessly madeup in record time.
Stacy would be proud of her (if not jealous), she looked gorgeous!
On high alert, she had been listening for any sound from next door indicating someone was leaving the building.
Two hours later, no one had opened or closed any door.
Giving up hopes of bumping into today Denzel, she picked her handbag and made her way out of the apartment.
Looking over the low hedge separating their apartments, she noticed a pile of empty cans of bug spray beside the trash can.
She thought to herself "That does not look right." With a shrug, she continued walking and headed to the bus stop.

The day went by in a blur, she kept looking out for Denzel until she was sure her neck was going to break from craning over so many times. She looked and felt tired.
She couldn't wait to peel off her clothes and crawl into bed.
As she searched her bag for her apartment key, she noticed someone had put the empty cans from the morning into the too full refuse bin by the roadside.
There was a tin of what smelled like half empty turpentine and a turned over paint can among the peeping rubble. The mixture was trailing over the side of the bin and flowing down the road to the street. Someone walking by dropped a still lit cigarette on the floor and kept on walking.
It landed on the turpentine-paint trail, she saw a spark.
Without thinking she dropped her bag and grabbed a handful of damp earth.
She imagined the number of explosive items that might have been carelessly thrown in the bin and did not want to lose her house in the event of a fire.
Besides she hadn’t gotten a chance to meet Denzel and have his babies. Speeding over to the front of his apartment, she arrived in time to throw the dirt on the fast burning flame and push the bin away. Unfortunately, in her haste she didn't look at where she put her feet. She slipped on the greasy burnt paint, lost her footing and landed on the concrete floor.

Nenye opened her eyes and grinned sheepishly at the worry lined face of Denzel.
Denzel!
She sat up with a start and yelped in pain. She had hit her head on something when she fell and it ached like crazy.
Denzel was squatted beside her.
He held he reached out to help her sit up. “Are you okay?” She mused. That voice again angry all of a sudden, she frowned and tried to yell as loudly as her aching head would let her which was rather calmly .
“Do I look okay? My head hurts like hell and I am living next door to fire prone people! Who puts ignitable substances in a trash can just like that? Have either you or the arsonist people you live with heard about waste separation and management before?!” The man had the audacity to hide a grin and look cute. “I am sorry about that, I’d speak with my flatmates.”
He handed her handbag and continued looking at her. She scowled. “What?!” “Erm this is going to sound awkward but I’ve been kind of hoping I’d bump into you again since we met on the bus. Do you mind if we go to the clinic to have you checked out and grab a bite or two afterwards?" Just like that all was forgiven. She smiled and muttered. “ Well, it is hard to hold a grudge when a guy offers you food after nearly burning down your house. Help me up.” He helped her to her feet. Within her, beneath the calm exterior she presented to him, she was swinging from vine to vine shouting alleluia at the top of her voice. She was going on a freaking date with Denzel, mission accomplished!

End

Mazi Must (NOT) Die!

That awkward moment when you wake up at first light (to go discretely dispose of accumulated garbage) and can’t seem to find your ‘mischief bra’ anywhere.


Yesterday, I sat in front of my computer for quite a bit.
I just sat staring.
After a while, I started playing “*FLAMES1 ” with my name and a particular gentleman’s name. After being “Admirers”, “Friends” for life and eventually “Married” I realized what I was doing and moved on to face important things like worrying about my braces and IF they'd ever come off.

The story of ‘My braces and I’ is something that begun early 2009 and depending on how I count it, our relationship has lasted for 4 going on 40 years.
I think we deserve an anniversary of sorts.

The magical story of how we begun is a page in the memory book that will leave readers with a lesson of ‘what not to do’ when faced with an unexpected load of free time.

I remember the day like it was a 3D movie with larger than life characters jumping at me from off the screen.
If only it were…

I wore a white shirt with my blue jeans petty coat, had fire(red) and blonde shoulder length loose braids (pick and drop) falling from my head, bouncing around my face and playing down my back in a mass of curls, waves and torrents. I carried my blue and white leather bag big cousin A got me (sigh I really loved that bag. I carried it everywhere! If only color blocking started in 2009) and wore sandals (*clear heels2).
In my 4 years of schooling, the then dentistry department beside Hall 5 was a place I had never gone near because for one department of dentistry was around there; I was registered in a posh dental clinic in Port Harcourt (they never really bothered with looking inside my mouth, had a fish tank in their reception with pretty fish swimming within, served assorted candy/sweets to visitors and sent really lovely cards to patients on their birthday – they somehow managed to always forget mine but remember my sisters though. Oh and I went for my appointments with either a jacket or cardigan because “their air conditioner na die”) and secondly, I stayed on the other side of campus.
Going for lectures, I’d either walk through Engineering, past Sciences and land at Basement or wait at my junction for a cab to Main-gate, stop there, take another cab going to Hall 1 and get off at Basement. On occasion, when the deciding planets met and the stars were aligned in my favor my very interesting hot ‘Yello’ neighbor gave me a ride in her baby (code name for her beloved car) and we’d chat about the guys next door while avoiding to discuss the secret craving we both had to kill their mangy terror of a dog.

On that faithful day, the three things which should never be mixed close to me – time, curiosity and a handsome man – came together, ganged up and left me with minus 4 and a half teeth, special needs and a future governed by dental appointments, limited mouth activities and the inability to crack bones.

If I were to go back in time, here is what I'd do:
1. I’d take proper care of my white and blue leather bag.
2. Eat less kpekere (plantain chips) and yes!
3. Go straight home and not let my little legs carry me to unexplored locations when ASUU calls members of staff for an emergency meeting canceling all lectures and practical classes for the day.
In a way, the Federal Government is to be held responsible for my present status. Curse you Government!!

While I'm at it, I believe that everyone deserves a great looking and healthy smile. Follow the link below to learn more

http://www.dentalprices.com.au/quality-assurance/ (*if the link doesn't open at 1st click, kindly copy the address and paste in the address bar of your browser)

Back to the present

The sun is out! Bearing down on me with its splendor and glory. Although there is this chill about the weathers edge, the sun doesn’t look like it’d be taking sometime off. The light of day has banished my plan to work in the darkness. I guess the new plan will be to live to die try another day! For now, I am left with a pile of not so attractive junk in my trunk place.
Urgh!
Waste collection, management and disposal is an issue that has to be properly addressed by the powers that be in Nigeria (seriously) as indiscriminate dumping and disposal of waste has a way of coming back to haunt slash bite in the butt. If not by poisoning ground water and making plants and people sick it could be by serving as a beacon of hope for rats, roaches and other unfriendly rodents that have this nasty habit of being carriers/vectors for certain unattractive diseases.



So, tell me. What’s on your mind?











*1. FLAMES: predication game that says if you and the object of your affection are a match. Each letter of the word represents a category or zone if you'd call it that.
*2. Clear heels: no be from my mouth you go hear that one!

The big R

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle…

The environment is the surroundings in which a person, animal or plant lives in or operates from.
It is the natural world as a whole or in a particular geographical area especially as affected by human activity.
The environment is a fragile little thing that struggles each day with degradation, neglect and abuse in order provide its inhabitants with protection, resource and sustenance.

Friday morning, I turned my face away as this seriously road unworthy trailer, bellowed past. It infused me, my clothes and hair with an unholy black smog.
I coughed, fanned the air around my face with my fingers, blinked away tears in my eyes that formed from the onslaught and went about my business as usual.
Oh! There was the courtesy glance I threw in the direction of Federal Road Safety Corps stationed at the junction.
They were too busy interrogating the apparent owner of a shiny silver jeep as to why the “t” on his vehicle paper was not properly crossed to notice or be affected by the demon on wheels that went past.

Unlike these equation's which I am still waiting on to provide me with money, food and/or a husband, green house gases, ozone depletion and acid rain among others are things I learned about in school, thought were an imaginary monsters but face each day.

Throbbing headaches, high blood pressure, difficulty in breathing and the heat of the sun bearing down on us with a vengeance is something that can easily be traced back to karma.
You do not piss in an ice tray and expect honey flavored ice cubes.

Most of us have come across the 3 R’s at one point in our life or the other but it seems like the only people who have found use for these principles are our “decision makers”.
They Reduce the expectations of the citizens, spend more time and energy on irrelevant agendas and encourage thuggism, thievery and bullying.
They Reuse the same campaign strategies, promising better health, amenities, infrastructures… more hope for the future if only we give them the power and finally, they Recycle their party representatives.
The older? The better!

Waste and how we choose to handle it affects our environment.
Waste is not only the gala wrapper or empty La Casera bottle we throw away after a “quick fix”, it also includes misused energy, resource and intellect.

The environment is hurt each time we use its limited resource to create new items to replace the ones we throw away. Frankly speaking, no matter the angle you look at it from, a landfill is never a pretty site to see so, why promote it?

The most effective way to reduce waste is to not create it!


Think before you trash.
We end up returning to the market to buy items similar to the ones we threw out to facilitate a particular chore.

Reducing is cutting back on the amount of trash we make.
Reusing is finding a new way to use “trash” so we do not have to throw it out.
Recycling is using collecting and processing materials that would otherwise be thrown away as trash and turning them into new products.

• Go with your own bags when shopping and reduce your demand for plastic bags for each item you buy.
• Buy products that can be reused.
• Reduce hazardous waste (furniture polish, cleaning solvent, bleach, non-biodegradable detergent, etc)
• Sell or give away unwanted items.
• Buy products with little packaging, they use less raw material.
• Ensure taps/faucets are tightly closed and not dripping after use.
• Old clothes can be used as cleaning rags.
• Buy products that can be recycled
• Recycle motor products (break fluids, oils and tires)
• Use energy saving bulbs; replacing the cheap regular light bulbs with energy saving bulbs will reduce nitrogen oxide (produces smog), sulphur dioxide (acid rain) and carbon dioxide (global warming). On the long run it would save you money.
• Buy non toxic products whenever possible
• Turn off lights when not in use.
• Use plastic grocery bags as trash bags.
• Buy only what you need.
• Save money, buy in bulk.
• Avoid buying canned items and opt for fresh produce, bottled drinks or items in paper packages.
• Return empty plastic water bottles to their manufacturers.
• Where you can, keep a garden and start a compost bin to use as manure for the plants.
• Rent and/or share items that are used infrequently like party decorations, tools or furniture.

The 3 R’s reduce the amount of waste sent to landfills and incinerators (that is if we really have functional ones in the country), reduces the green house gases emitted, conserves natural resources and sustains the environment for future generations.



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Risky is about the only one in a million population who knew that before he’d live, he was sure to die.
Conceived on a cool Saturday evening at the start of the rainy season , he was born to an age worn mother and a young irresponsible father (who had lost his head).
A one-night stand, that was how the relationship was defined.
Although his mother was past her prime (advanced in age), when she was in the mood and begun her dance, there were few males who could resist her call.
His father was no exception.
Smitten is the word.
You can blame nature, the society, or whatever but no blame can change the fact that of all her offspring, Risky was the only one who made it past infancy.


Risky, Risky, where’d you go?
With wit like a whip
He’s faster than a flash

Risky, Risky, see that streak?
Like a bullet to its target
Risky’s straight to the goal