Twenty Four

I don’t know if it was the ache in my neck or the scathingly cheerful voice on the radio that woke me but when I tried to move, the blinding pain was enough to encourage me to proceed with caution.
It turned out I had dozed off with my neck in an awkward position while waiting for a large file to upload.
As I tried to gradually reclaim said body part from the evil clutches of misery, the phone conversation between the on air personality (OAP) and lady I later discovered was *Wumi Adeyemi caught my attention.
She was gushing about a *Remi who happened to be the love of her life.
She had not seen him in close to two weeks and was missing him terribly. She bragged that he was the best thing sent to her from God adding that he showered her with gifts, affection and things no man could contest with.
Her apparent state of bliss and the sweetness of her confidence made me nauseous (it was either that or reaction to the neck pain). I prayed she’d ask the OAP to call him so I could hear how the so called Remi sounded.



My prayers were answered!

She asked the OAP to call him, pull his legs a bit and tell him she loved him to smithereens. In addition, she requested for the song “Endless love” a duet by Diana Ross and one man (the father of Paris Hilton's best friend that year) and dedicated it to him.

It was 11:58pm, almost midnight.

I held my breath while the phone rang afraid that Remi would not pick.

At the 6th ring, he picked!

The OAP greeted Remi, pretended to be someone from his circle and got him feeling relaxed and comfortable.
When Remi tried to politely admit he could not recall him, the OAP asked if he was still chasing plenty women like in the old days that he had a lovely woman to give to him.
Remi abruptly hushed him proclaiming in a firm voice that the only woman in his life was his beloved fiancé *Melody Folarin.



My neck miraculously healed, righted itself and snapped back into place.
I jumped off the bed, propped pillows behind me on the floor and leaned closer to my tiny transistor radio eager to hear how this drama will unfold.

The OAP asked Remi if the name Wumi Adeyemi rang a bell.

Before he could answer, I heard footsteps in the background and a sleepy singsong voice say “honey its late, come back to bed.”

The line went dead…



* Real names withheld


A day before, I decided that I’d move around with pen and paper and jot my thoughts alongside the time for 24 hours.
The following events took place between 4am and 12am (GMT +1)


04:15: do these Je*us deliverance ministry people ever sleep? One of these days, I’d… !!!

06:46: #yawn# is just me or is it awkward that I am always finding cockroaches lying dead in compromising positions around this house?

09:19: I’m waiting for my change at the store (came to buy #). I get this real sweet text from #. I am all smiles and blushes. I look up and find this scantily dressed man “returning” my smile – reasons why I shouldn’t smile and text.

13: 30: where do babies come from?

13: 37: I look at this mans tummy and I’m like dear G*d! I need to start working out! I wouldn’t want to be him.

14:18: hmm cutie! “Hi, have you ever kissed a girl in braces?” “No? You should! Would you like to kiss me?” “You aren’t comfy here? Don’t worry my candy red Ferrari is out back, would you like to go for spin afterwards?” “Take me, I’m yours” – what didn’t happen.

16:02: his agbada is so dirty; I wonder if I can give him a change of clothes. Would he hit me over the head with a stick and tear my clothes or spit in my eyeballs and tear my clothes. He’d look great in a form fitting jeans though. Nice figure. How do mad men react to kindness?

16:03: don’t do it! Don’t do it! Great, he did it. Yup! Out comes the willy *rolling eyes* now going to try not to look.

16:15: yeay! Nap time (phone rings)

16:16: *farts* peeyoo! That was nasty

19:03: I am hungry

20:54: wonder how I look when am pooping as in pushing real “hard”

20:55: does every body push real hard? (@ Pooping)

20:56: Eww I put the pen in my mouth!!

21: 00: I wonder what he is doing

21:16: I really should upload those files now