The blues

For someone who loves to waddle, wriggle and splash the weather of late combined with my present location is dancing very close to the edge of being outright foul. I know it is Garden city – Rivers state and all that but come on!?
I am quite certain some figurative thoughts were at play when they named it so! I for one know that they do not go about passing random food hampers in Benue state – the food basket of the nation.

If I say the rain is wicked, the general agreement will be that “Oseyi has come again” (where I went to in the first instance? I do not know) but how else will I describe a thingy that falls in earnest for a bit, eases up and lets the sun come out to play, convinces you it is done with its theatrics and gets you to leave your umbrella/raincoat/boyfriend-slippers behind then jumps out from the clouds and douses you with its chilling presence?
It is bad enough that it was one of the deciding factors for my shocking liaison with the 'scissors of Bodija', now its acting like an obsessed monster, forcing you to bend to its will and failing to understand that NO MEANS NO (there is a not so flattering 4 letter word for this behavior. I even hear discusses about the legality and acceptance of related acts. (Something to do with old men, under developed little girls and VVF).
There’s just something about this so-called ‘weather for two’ that rubs me the wrong way. Then again, this 'rubbing' is a matter I’d like to table for discussion (not today though).

Saturday July 23, 2013
Like play like play, the month is sliding to a steady end.
This is a good thing, the whole hope characteristics of ‘man’ enables most people to look forward to tomorrow, the day after it and tolerate bull crap from the powers that be but before I hop on the trust wagon and chug-chug out of the month of July, I’d like answers to the few questions that manifested over the days gone by.
For ease of response, I have summed them into 4 categories. Please, feel free to supply answers where possible.

1. Of love

a. How does ‘ making a compromise’ differ from wanting the other party to change entirely to suit your lifestyle?
b. How do people walk away from the one they love and manage to live happily ever after with Mr./Miss. Suitable?
c. Love is a battlefield yeah? So after ‘Marriage’, what next?
Divorce?

2. Of living

a. I love my friends, relations and kinsmen. This I know. Where is it written that to prove this fact, I have one has to attend the ‘grand tribunal’ every Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays, sacrifice a purple Billy goat, dance around a silver lock and serenade each and every member of this ‘love circle’ with calls and updates of their every thought?
b. Where are all the butterflies?
c. Nigeria is above 50 years old today. What is democracy?

3. Of behaviors

a. What is the definition of ‘Normal’? Who is sane and who is insane?
b. The madmen and women that parade the streets; what are they looking for, who are they talking to and where do they get their change of clothes?
c. At “No strings attached/friends with benefits”: how does it work, when does it end and whose bright idea was it?
d. * Erased due to graphic nature*

4. Unclassified

a. Where do babies come from?
b. Will Nigerian roads ever be fixed to a good working condition?
c. Can I die for my president, will you?
d. Cashless Nigeria?

Thank you for your anticipated assistance (and shared wisdom – I truly appreciate), have a lovely weekend and do not ask me what question 3d was about.
Cheers!!

The fortieth

I watched with fascinating curiosity as this okada (motorbike) made its way towards me from a distance.
On the two wheeled vehicle was the rider of the bike (okada man), a youngish looking woman and two baskets.
One basket was positioned in front of the bike-man on top his engine at the helm. It was cradled between his outstretched hands and his spread thighs.
The woman carried the second basket.
The basket looked heavy but some how she managed to balance it on her left lap with one hand while using her other hand to hold on to a baby (presumably hers) snugly tied to her back with both a wrapper and receiving blanket. As the bike drew nearer, I noticed he was looking in my direction. His lips were moving. Realizing he caught me staring at him I decided to pay attention to what he was about. Without taking off his hands from the steering of the motorbike, he raised the index finger of his right hand and spoke to me again. This time, I heard him. He was saying “one chance” informing slash asking if I was interested in joining his moving party. I let out an incredulous gasp. Trying not to regard him with an open mouthed stare, I smiled sweetly and shook my head indicating I received his information but was not interested in signing up for his breakneck adventure on wheels. When he zoomed off disappointed at the loss of a potential ‘client’, I gave myself a well-deserved pat on the back for being able to ‘pin’ my lips together and not ask him if I was expected to seat on the ‘bicycle tires ’ or was he a learner?

Of love, stalkers and exotic emotions…

When they say to “follow who know road” I have serious reason to believe that they made love, lust and relationships exceptions to the above phrase.
From my experience, it turns out that the people most willing to give advise and tell you how to manage your ‘ships’ are the ones with the most problems – insecure, possessive, noncommittal, timid and obsessed human beings.
They ‘ginger’ you to live the life that they’d never in their wildest imaginations indulge in while perching on the fence like hungry vultures watching to see if you’d turn up _ _ _.
Kindda brings the book/movie – Dorian Gray to mind (Dorian Gray was this dude who was initially a good boy but got spoiled by ‘world people’. Along the way, he owned a painting which turned out to be ‘outer worldly ’ – possessing certain powers of sort that took the burnt for his trespasses. He remained clean, fresh and young while the picture got corrupted, decayed and old. The same ‘world people’ that robbed his of his innocence and encouraged him to stray now started to vex unto say im dey chop clean mouth and nothing dey do am so, they begun to seek a way to destroy him) in my opinion, when it comes to accounts and following; I am the one that gets hurt and destroyed by the 'actions' they encourage me to engage in (the picture) while they (Dorian Gray) remain intact and unaffected by their ‘wicked’ council.
At the end of the day they will say. “ I only gave an advise, I no say make you go do am!” – yeah right.

“And [the lawyer], trying to justify himself, said to Jesus, ‘who is my neighbor?" (Luke 10:29)

Story of the good Samaritan asides from confirming that LOVE IS THE GREATEST thing of all makes mention of two popular biblical locations:

a) Jerusalem – the holy city and

b) Jericho – the sin city.

The traveler was going from Jerusalem to Jericho.
The priest was going from Jerusalem to Jericho.
The Levite was going from Jerusalem to Jericho.
The Samaritan as well was going from Jerusalem to Jericho but unlike the aforementioned persons, the Samaritan had a running tab at an inn somewhere along the road that was able to cater for the injured and downtrodden. Giving the impression that this was not the first seek and recovery mission the Samaritan had partaken in along the Jerusalem – Jericho road.

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” (Luke 10:28)

Yeay us!!

Hello, virtual family!
CC: people in my computer, blackberry, mobile phone and transistor radio.

It has been one hell of a week! One involving scissors, needles, ice-lolly and t-shirts with the second, third and fourth day of the week leaving me looking like the human version of ‘Kermit the frog’ from sesame the street.
On the 'Yeay' side of the meter, I’d admit that the week wasn’t all bad; I got to watch 'Flavors' new music video - Ada Ada, obsess over a ‘small matter’ and spend close to 72hours in and out of sleep having really weird dreams as I slumbered. Dreams I remember vividly but presently don’t feel quite comfortable sharing *shudders*.

Everyday, I began to write an entry but by the time it was decided I was heading somewhere, I’d become too drowsy to locate the keys on my keyboard.
I’d tell myself “baby girl chill and have a nap. Tomorrow is another day” well, this is the 7th day and tomorrow heralds a new week so if I don’t end this and publish, I’d be letting little things like needle shots, a swollen face and fatigue get the best of me.

As I write this, I’m being distracted by a pirated movie I am trying not to watch. The movie is interesting but it’s the activities between the 'pirate' and the rest of the people in the movie theater that has gotten me hooked.
The person with the camera is sitting behind a little girl and her father (or big brother/uncle?) and she keeps getting up to do things. Since the movie begun, she’s gone to pee 3 times, been fed something from a bottle while standing and now, she’s standing with her little hands on her waist blocking most of the ‘pirate’s’ camera lens oh and my view!
So, although this entry is going to be lacking the usual ‘salt’ and ‘lime’ -ish, it will have an ending… or something like it (I don't know).

At this point, I’d write a special thank you to everyone who checked in on me from Monday till 5am today (*cough – cough* a later time say 9am or 12pm will be appreciated in future).
Here’s to letting you know that I’m doing great, the swelling’s gone and I am no longer ‘high’ on pain meds.
God bless you, keep you and protect those you care about.

See you next week!

Ms. O