Thursday, June 27, 2013

Mazi Must (NOT) Die!



That awkward moment when you wake up at first light (to go discretely dispose of accumulated garbage) and can’t seem to find your ‘mischief bra’ anywhere.


Yesterday, I sat in front of my computer for quite a bit.
I just sat staring.
After a while, I started playing “*FLAMES1 ” with my name and a particular gentleman’s name. After being “Admirers”, “Friends” for life and eventually “Married” I realized what I was doing and moved on to face important things like worrying about my braces and IF they'd ever come off.
The story of ‘My braces and I’ is something that begun early 2009 and depending on how I count it, our relationship has lasted for 4 going on 40 years.
I think we deserve an anniversary of sorts.

The magical story of how we begun is a page in the memory book that will leave readers with a lesson of ‘what not to do’ when faced with an unexpected load of free time.

I remember the day like it was a 3D movie with larger than life characters jumping at me from off the screen.
If only it were…

I wore a white shirt with my blue jeans petty coat, had fire(red) and blonde shoulder length loose braids (pick and drop) falling from my head, bouncing around my face and playing down my back in a mass of curls, waves and torrents. I carried my blue and white leather bag big cousin A got me (sigh I really loved that bag. I carried it everywhere! If only color blocking started in 2009) and wore sandals (*clear heels2).
In my 4 years of schooling, the then dentistry department beside Hall 5 was a place I had never gone near because for one department of dentistry was around there; I was registered in a posh dental clinic in Port Harcourt (they never really bothered with looking inside my mouth, had a fish tank in their reception with pretty fish swimming within, served assorted candy/sweets to visitors and sent really lovely cards to patients on their birthday – they somehow managed to always forget mine but remember my sisters though. Oh and I went for my appointments with either a jacket or cardigan because “their air conditioner na die”) and secondly, I stayed on the other side of campus.
Going for lectures, I’d either walk through Engineering, past Sciences and land at Basement or wait at my junction for a cab to Main-gate, stop there, take another cab going to Hall 1 and get off at Basement. On occasion, when the deciding planets met and the stars were aligned in my favor my very interesting hot ‘Yello’ neighbor gave me a ride in her baby (code name for her beloved car) and we’d chat about the guys next door while avoiding to discuss the secret craving we both had to kill their mangy terror of a dog.
On that faithful day, the three things which should never be mixed close to me – time, curiosity and a handsome man – came together, ganged up and left me with minus 4 and a half teeth, special needs and a future governed by dental appointments, limited mouth activities and the inability to crack bones.

If I were to go back in time, here is what I'd do:
1. I’d take proper care of my white and blue leather bag.
2. Eat less kpekere (plantain chips) and yes!
3. Go straight home and not let my little legs carry me to unexplored locations when ASUU calls members of staff for an emergency meeting canceling all lectures and practical classes for the day.
In a way, the Federal Government is to be held responsible for my present status. Curse you Government!!

While I'm at it, I believe that everyone deserves a great looking and healthy smile. Follow the link below to learn more

http://www.dentalprices.com.au/quality-assurance/ (*if the link doesn't open at 1st click, kindly copy the address and paste in the address bar of your browser)

Back to the present

The sun is out! Bearing down on me with its splendor and glory. Although there is this chill about the weathers edge, the sun doesn’t look like it’d be taking sometime off. The light of day has banished my plan to work in the darkness. I guess the new plan will be to live to die try another day! For now, I am left with a pile of not so attractive junk in my trunk place.
Urgh!
Waste collection, management and disposal is an issue that has to be properly addressed by the powers that be in Nigeria (seriously) as indiscriminate dumping and disposal of waste has a way of coming back to haunt slash bite in the butt. If not by poisoning ground water and making plants and people sick it could be by serving as a beacon of hope for rats, roaches and other unfriendly rodents that have this nasty habit of being carriers/vectors for certain unattractive diseases.



So, tell me. What’s on your mind?











*1. FLAMES: predication game that says if you and the object of your affection are a match. Each letter of the word represents a category or zone if you'd call it that.
*2. Clear heels: no be from my mouth you go hear that one!

Friday, June 21, 2013

The thing with NEP – daz All


Coming and going these several seasons,
Do stay out on the baobab tree,
Follow where you please your kindred spirits
If indoors is not enough for you.
Abiku, J. P. Clark.



“The Central Bank of Nigeria remains positive that by December 2013 all traces of the polymer Naira notes will be pulled out of circulation. The increasing cost of printing on polymer and the rate at which the inscriptions on the polymer notes faded where part of what led to this decision. However, the cashless policy still holds.”
- Oluyole fm, Ibadan.


My thoughts on the above wise decision by the Central Bank of Nigeria?

“ You don’t say?!” *sarcastically shocked face*

Considering this development, I’m guessing my nephew will have to break his piggy turtle bank I spent love, valuable time and energy making for him way before Christmas.

Question:
What is the point of teaching an impressionable young child how to save with money that does not serve as a store of value?

There I was thinking since Airtel (nee Zain, nee Vmobile, nee Econet, nee *Buddie1?) had seemingly decided on a name that worked, our policy makers will follow suit and divert their attention from making our “legal tender” look pretty and decide to face more important issues like say: constant power supply in Nigeria, vehicle worthy Roads and standardized living for her citizens.
How can I honestly tell a child to “think about the repercussions of your decisions before you act” when the oga at the top; my beloved President and his dear members of Cabinet "okay" decisions to spend tax payers money on lousy whims – flowery number plates, tokunbo airplanes, government proceedings that resemble play dates from hell and my fear slash distrust of uniformed men? Or, could it be possible that my democratic leader is not aware of these occurrences we lament about?

How about that promised breath of fresh air?

I seriously need a whiff!

Speaking of fresh air and promises, it is with great pleasure that I announce to no one in particular that with respect to putting my money where my mouth is, I am keeping one of mine!
I finally decided to dash-dash-dash-dash *dramatic pause* dash! So, I went to see dash-dash-dash and was told dash-dashdash-dash. So now, with my fingers crossed (while rooting for Melvin Oduah in BBA the Chase on the side – although sadly I haven’t seen any episode of the movement) I await the decision of dash.

Yeay me!

Today is Friday, June 21, 2013 the last day of the regular working week. A time to unwind – put up your feet and let down your hair (for those who still have hair).
The mood is perfect for music, love, *magic2 and all other things that fall between!
My dear Prince Charming, have you come or will you come again? How do I know it is you? What markings do you wear?



*1. The Buddie name sounds familiar but I have doubts based on its authenticity.
*2. Magic could also cover that drunken moment when believing you are Whitney Houston or James Brown, you climb up the stage/table top/chair and belt out a tuneless love song to the object of your desire certain that he or she was bound to fall in love.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Pressing desire



The weather was wickedly cold!

The initial plan was to take a leisurely stroll on one of the muddy pothole infested roads which usually run through the streets and freeways of Nigeria but it soon turned to a game of "hopscotch" as I commenced hopping from one foot to the other playing virtual hopscotch with the “ankle twisters” aka potholes while trying to dodge dirty splashes from tire’s hastily meeting puddles as mobile road users meandered blindly through imaginary traffic in a bid to get… home?
Like though some invincible trainer slash coach was not impressed by my sudden athletic prowess as displayed in the impromptu workout session I was having, he decided to intensify my session. I was next presented with the curious task of finding “proper” sites to direct my gaze to as first one then another car parked in front of me to let out frantic male occupants who were in quite a rush to answer “natures call”.
It seemed like every twelve steps I took summoned both car and driver from nowhere, compelled them to divert from their initial destination and pee at my feet.
When the third car repeated this routine and presented not two but four occupants (all male), I had to stop, look about and survey my surroundings in case there was a sign or banner of sorts I failed to notice earlier.

Where I was coming from or going to on that wickedly cold day in June is something I hope to discuss some other day but for now, it is a hush-hush affair *wink*.
Before I keep mum, I’d ask no one in particular the following question:
Why it is okay for a man to whip out his “willy” when the urge rises and take a piss anywhere in public and not be judged whereas a woman discovered in a compromising position (say standing in a squat with legs apart – one slightly ahead of the other, skirts raised to a decent height with the fingers of her right and left hands lost somewhere between the folds of her dress) going about her business is frowned upon and in some places called dirty? Why cant what holds true for "Peter" not be applied for "Paul" (or Pauline in this case)?

Word of the day:

Toi·let!

pronounced /ˈtoilit/
Noun
A large bowl for urinating or defecating into, typically plumbed into a sewage system and with a flushing mechanism.

Get it?



Surprise – surprise! We are in the month of June, 6 months down the chute.

By this time in December (last year) the trending topic was “new year resolutions”, attitude and mantras for “twenty taa-teen” (2013).

Question:

a) Did you make resolutions last year?
b) Do you remember your resolutions?
c) How many have you accomplished and
d) What is holding you back from the rest?

I remember my TO DO LIST

I’d like to believe I’ve done 2 out of 4 *clears throat* which is quite fair based on the fact that I still have 6 months to get to the remaining 2 but then again, who am I deceiving?

Earlier this evening, I hurried past a man and his ram out for walk in the market in a bid to get a handsome bunch of plantain for myself before the “night shoppers” got to it.
The first thought that occurred to me was “is this the same man that had the goat from last week” the next thought was “is he happy?” I did not stop to deliberate on these musings, I had a mission to accomplish.

As I made my way home victoriously swinging my cute fingers of plantain snugly settled in the nylon bag the nice lady had sold them in, I thought of my resolutions for 2013 and wondered…

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Breath of life




After spending over 6 months in this particular state in Nigeria, I am yet to adapt to the sight of apparent females draped from head to toe in black satin (cotton and or silk) veils with tiny peepholes towards the head region in front for them to look through. Living next door to a market, I have a personal rule of not buying items from people whose faces I cannot see no matter how badly I need said “stuff”.
Tolerance and understanding is a good thing but trust for a “service provider” is important as well.
Although I would like to talk about how cute I think it is when I happen across a man and his goat taking a leisurely stroll in the street, I restrain myself because this post is about something else, it is about a date gone bad thanks to…

Halitosis

Halitosis aka bad breath, morning breath and breath odor are terms used to describe a noticeably unpleasant odor exhaled on the breath.
It is something people (take for example me) are not usually comfortable talking about which individuals may never notice on their own.
Many people have bad breath. It could be only for a short period for some or persistent for others.

How to find out if you have bad breath: 
Lick the inside of your wrist and wait for the saliva to dry. If the area you licked smells really unpleasant, it is likely that your breath does too (test should be done preferably when you are alone as dogs and cats are the only mammals presently allowed to publicly lick themselves).

The different factors that affect breath include:
1. Negligent brush to mouth relationship: the gums and tongue and not the teeth cause bad breath so when these areas are left out in the daily routine, bad things are bound to brew.
2. Xerostomia: (big word for dry mouth *wink*) When the mouth is dry, saliva production decreases leaving the mouth’s natural ability to clean itself impaired. Saliva acts the mouth’s natural mouthwash, neutralizing acids produced by plaque and washing away dead cells that accumulate on the tongue, gums, and cheeks. If not removed, these cells decompose and can cause bad breath.
Dry mouth may be caused by alcohol consumption, side effects of certain medications, salivary gland problems, or continuous breathing through the mouth instead of the nose.

3. Diet: from basic biology, we know that digestion begins in the mouth. As foods are digested and absorbed into the blood stream, they are eventually carried to the lungs and given off in the breath (worse is when someone burps close to my face!) Foods with strong odors such as onion and garlic will not go away (even after brushing and using mouthwash) until digestion is complete. Smoking or chewing tobacco-based products can also cause bad breathe, stain teeth, reduce the ability to taste foods and irritate the gums (Moral? Quit smoking).
4. Health: bad breath can be sign of an underlying medical condition of the stomach, lungs and bloodstream.

How to treat halitosis:

1. Brush at least twice a day — after breakfast and before bedtime. Brushing the teeth before going to bed drastically reduces the early morning “smelly mouth”. After every meal, rinse the mouth thoroughly to remove food particles from the mouth and if possible, brush the teeth as well.
When brushing your teeth, do not forget the tongue and gums.
Teeth: brush all teeth, not just the front ones. Be sure to brush along the sides and in the back.

Tongue: use toothbrush, the edge of a spoon, or a tongue cleaner to "scrape" your tongue.

Gums: brush the gums lightly with or without toothpaste in small circles with the bristles pointing up towards the gum line at a 45 degree angle for the top, and down at the same angle for the bottom.

As a couple of my friends still do not get why often times they end up being dragged along with me as I scurry through the aisle from one supermarket to the other in search of “my toothbrush”, I’d post a little essay I copied off “ToothbrushSubscriptions.com” about toothbrush bristles and their uses.
There are basically 4 types of (natural or synthetic) toothbrush bristles:

Hard Bristles: The hard bristle toothbrush is typically meant for a mouth containing large, sturdier gums and teeth. The reason many people choose hard-bristle toothbrushes is because they think it will do a better job of cleaning. That, of course, isn’t necessarily true. While it can help those with significant dental issues, hard bristles can lead to bleeding or sore gums and the deterioration of tooth enamel. Furthermore, the damage hard bristles can cause can be very painful. Those who use hard bristle toothbrushes should avoid brushing too hard and should exercise caution.

Medium Bristles: Medium bristles aren’t for everyone. Those with a healthy mouth and teeth that are in good condition may prefer these types of bristles. Medium bristles have some flexibility and can thoroughly clean a patient’s mouth if good brushing techniques are used. However, a patient with sensitive teeth and gums or with mouth sores should avoid these bristles. Like hard bristles, medium bristles can cause bleeding, swelling of the gums, deterioration of tooth enamel and other types of dental pain.

Soft Bristles: Most dentists, as well as the ADA, recommend using a toothbrush with soft bristles. This type of toothbrush has flexible bristles and is easier on the enamel and gums. When you use a toothbrush with soft, flexible bristles, you are able to reach the little nooks and crannies easier than some of its harder counterparts.

Extra-Soft Bristles: These types of bristles are best-suited for patients with extremely sensitive gums and teeth. Elderly patients and children typically use extra-soft bristles. These bristles help children maintain healthy teeth while learning good oral hygiene practices. Soft bristles also help elderly patients who have extremely sensitive teeth.
To prevent bacterial from growing on the bristles, you should always rinse off excess residue after using your toothbrush.

When it comes to storage, your toothbrush should be placed in an upright position and allowed to air-dry. If there is more than one toothbrush, you should store the toothbrushes separately so that they are not touching. Additionally, you should avoid storing your toothbrush in an enclosed case, as bacteria can grow in moist spaces.

To further promote the health of a toothbrush, you can disinfect the toothbrush by soaking it in mouthwash or other types of solutions. If you buy a solution, make sure that it sanitizes the toothbrush and prevents bacteria from growing.


2. If your mouth is dry, drink plenty of water. This will keep your mouth moist - try swooshing it around in your mouth for at least twenty seconds to loosen any food particles bacteria can feed upon. Quit smoking. Tar and nicotine can build up on the surface of the teeth, tongue and cheeks. It can also dry the mouth and inhibit saliva flow. Avoid breath mints and mouthwashes that contain alcohol. They temporarily cover the smell of bad breath but tend to dry the mouth. Rather, go for "alcohol free" products. Chew sugarless gum or suck on sugarless lozenges to increase the flow of saliva. Opt for gums with cinnamon and sweetened with xylitol. While xylitol is a sugar substitute that actually works to prevent bacteria from replicating in the mouth cinnamon flavored gum seems to be especially effective in reducing bacteria counts.

3. Most mouth odors comes from food particles trapped in our mouths. When food remains in the mouth for long, it becomes a breeding ground for bacteria causing bad breath. Avoid eating foods that can affect the breath just before going out (erm... garlic?)
Chlorophyll (think green plants) is a natural breath freshener and is found in leafy green vegetables like lettuce, bell peppers, spinach and parsley among others (I wonder if goats have bad breath).

Snacking on vegetables such as carrots or raw celery or can keep plaque from forming.

Quit smoking.

People on low carbohydrate diet usually have “ketone breath” as the body breaks down fats instead of carbohydrate for energy, it creates ketones, some of which are released in the mouth. Unfortunately, ketones smell bad, and so will the breath. Persons on a strict carb-restricting diet, or any diet that forces them to burn fat instead of carbohydrates should consider throwing healthy carb-rich snacks into the mix, like apples or bananas. Fasting and anorexia also result in ketone breath.

4. Other dental causes of bad breath include poorly fitting dental appliances, yeast infections of the mouth, and dental caries. If a better oral hygiene and diet does not improve breath status, it could be an indication of an underlying medical issue that needs to be treated. Please see a doctor.